photo: Ed Yourdon
What do you do when you are a minimalist but live with someone who doesn’t follow this lifestyle?
Below are some quick and inspirational tips to make your life (and their lives) a lot easier:
Identify a small space or empty zone that is simply dedicated for YOU. Preferably make this an open space such as: coffee table in your living room/section of a counter space in the kitchen/desk space where you work etc. By keeping even a small space clear and free of clutter will provide visual relief when you are in the midst of other people’s clutter.
Focus primarily on your belongings. Decluttering a large space no matter who else is involved can easily become overwhelming. It’s important to take things in ‘bite size chunks’. By focusing on your stuff first, you can build the momentum and energy to tackle more. But again it’s important to ‘START SMALL’. This is why it’s vital to maintain the focus on YOU first and foremost.
As you continue to declutter, it will become a lot easier. Especially if you manage the amount of new stuff you bring in. The less stuff you have the less clutter you have to manage. This is why I suggest to aim for less stuff as one of your primary goals. If you have LESS stuff to manage that means LESS stuff to declutter. Remember decluttering takes time and patience so be gentle with yourself.
This is a hard one for me to do. I have the tendency to lecture my hubby as I angrily pick up his stuff. But I’m learning to bite my lip and instead, LEAD by example. Because no matter how much I nag, if my husband doesn’t move – I can’t make him. I’m learning this goes with whoever I am working with on decluttering. Eventually those that want to follow WILL. And those that don’t – WON’T.
Even though their stuff may seem like junk to you, to them they look at it as their “collection”. Even if you have the best intentions of clearing out their clutter (as a surprise for example). The gesture may be construed as an intrusion. Don’t do it without their consent and without them being present. Learn from my past mistakes.
I hope these quick tips help life more manageable for you and your loved ones!
Jenny,
Love that you are growing through this as a couple and a person! Keep extending grace, it will bear dividends in both your lives!
Thanks for stopping by Gena! My husband is still trying to get the grasp of it. But at least it’s progress right?
Don’t Preach. Practice.
Now those are words to live by! Seriously. Coming from the old perspective of a packrat, those times Patrick preached at me were the worst. I’d climb into my little inner cave, tune him out, and wait for the sermon to end. Along the way I’d feel worse! Coming from the opposite perspective now, as a minimalist, I can say that gentle “showing” is so much better than aggressive “telling”. I’ve seen it with family that I’ve helped declutter. They’ll get inspired and get going as long as they “see” that they could be living a better way. Patience. It’s worth it!
And hey, maybe your hubby will be like me and suddenly make a total switch-around. I did it, so it’s possible!
Cheers,
Tanja
Thanks for sharing Gena! I may be tiny in stature but I have to admit I nag as if I’m 6 feet tall! But I’m learning to be patient along with way. Thanks for giving me hope about my hubby!
Hi Jenny (great name!),
I found you through Marianne’s post on Friday. This post came at the perfect time for me. Like you suggested above, I’m trying to “show” my non-minimalist 6-year old son that using the portion of his allowance designated for spending to go do something fun will be much more exciting than buying more toys to clutter up his room and my living room. I’m having minimal progress. Tanja from Minimalist Packrat has promised me a post with some ideas to get the clutter from the kids under control.
Even the site of clutter immediately stresses me out, but with two little kids — some clutter is inevitable.
It’s great to find you and congratulations on everything you’ve accomplished so far!
You sound like an awesome mom! That’s so great that at such a young age you are teaching him the value of saving and decluttering too! Thanks for stopping by! I can’t wait to check out your site now!
I didn’t see “get frustrated and give up” on your list… smile.
That’s what I feel like doing most days, but I’m trying to focus on myself. The irony of it is that most of the clutter belongs to me – I just like to think the small pile of my husband’s is contributing to the whole house. My kids…well that’s another story, but they are still young enough that I have control (and they are still very teachable).
Hi Jill!
‘Get Frustrated’ is always on that list. But I try not to give up. It helps when I know that there is a community here to help encourage me on. Clutter is a downer regardless who it belongs to. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Just remember to take baby steps. I know I am. Thanks for stopping by Jill!
Excellent & well thought out advice.
Thank you. I have tread lightly when picking up some of my wife’s belongings. I love her so much so it is all good.
I love your “lead by example” tip! When I discovered minimalism, it changed my life. I definitely wanted David – my husband – to experience all the joys of minimalism that I had. But instead of simply leading by example, I tried to push him into it. After a while, he got angry, and I gave up. Turns out, he sold/donated ALL of his books one day, out of the blue. Instead of harping on him and forcing him into minimalism, he’s doing it himself little by little.
It helps that most of his “clutter” is contained in our second bedroom, or his study. I’m not in there much, so I’m not constantly worried about what seems to me to be hoarding and disorganization.
I hear you Katie! My husband’s stuff is centralized to his office and the garage. I’m barely in there so at least my stress level isn’t too bad. Glad to hear about David’s progress! Way to go!